Let's face it, the Bears are a train wreck. So what we've got here is a train wreck of mammoth proportions. I'm talking Harrison Ford The Fugitive train wreck. As my first piece for this blog, I've taken this very seriously and have put together the ultimate Bears team. Let's check the squad.
1. Rex Grossman-Substituted with Stewie Griffin..(have you seen Rex's eyebrows?)
2. Brian Griese-Swapped for his dad, Bob Griese. Bob is way better and we don't need to buy a new jersey (I should make a New Jersey joke here).
3. Cedric Benson-Upgraded to Anna Benson for obvious reasons.
4. Moose Muhammad-There's only one good moose and his buddy is Rocky.
5. Brian Urlacher- John Favreau, but John from The Replacements
6. Peanut Tillman-The obvious backup, the Planter's Peanut guy, Mr. Peanut
7. Robbie Gould-Ha, Elliot Gould. The man can kick a matza ball 73 yards.
8. Devin Hester-If the NFL would allow a crack rock to be placed in the end zone, I'm going with Tyrone Biggums. He smokes rocks!
9. Lance Briggs-Nicole Ritchie "Hey Lance, I bet you can't get your Lambo on the otherside of that median" ..."Hey Nicole, I bet you can't drive high on the wrong side of the freeway."
10. Lovie Smith-Bubba from Forest Gump. I can't help to think of Lovie cooking italian beef a million different ways.
11. John Madden-My favorite trade of all time. "In the second round of the 2008 NFL Draft, Chuck would like to trade John Madden for Wilford Brimley." I'll take that diabetic tough guy any day.