Friday, November 30, 2007

FFC (Tims)

I would like to announce the first U.S. government sponsored sports arena, DMV Stadium. Here they play a variety of sporting events, although very few people actually manage to navigate the crisscrossing lines to enter the seating area in order to see them. Beverage stations abound, but you need three forms of ID, a piece of un-opened US mail, and a full body cavity search in order to buy anything. DMV's Stadium also believes in employing only the dullest, most dissatisfied people our great city has to offer, and lord knows there's a ton of them. They will sleep on the job, insult you as you make purchases, and insist that you in no way raise your voice to them. One of the stadium's main attractions is the photograph section where you can take pictures of you and your friends with your favorite athletes. The only catch is, in every photo you look drunk, high, or like you just woke up from a ten year crack coma.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Game of the Year

This Thursday should be the best game of the regular season. The Packers will be taking on the Cowboys in what should be a game replayed later on for the NFC Championship. My honest prediction is a Dallas win, but a betting man might want to take the Packers and the 6.5 points. My pick has nothing to do with me having a man crush on Tony Romo nor the fact that he's been my starting QB on the my fantasy team (which is dominating). The over/under is somewhere around 51. Take the over, its Farve on what might as well be a Monday night game. 2 TDs caught by Driver. So watch it and take Green Bay with the points and the over.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Dear Doubters

I warned you. I explained it to you. Put simply, I told you so. Rex Grossman isn't Brett Favre. He isn't even Kurt Warner. But he certainly is an NFL quarterback and he definitely is the best hurler the Chicago Bears currently employ. He has poise, he has guile, and he has confidence.

He showed all three tonight as he led the Bears to a comeback against the visiting Denver Broncos. Grossman began the game with mediocrity, his passer rating falling somewhere in the low forties by the end of the first half. Both the offense and defense were carried into the waning minutes of the contest by the Bears' own personal Jesus Christ: Devin Hester. All previous thoughts were cast aside, however, as Grossman led the Bears down the field with less than three minutes left and seven points the trailer and pulled off a great drive and a better TD pass to Berrian to tie the game. Five plays later in overtime, including a couple of sniper bolt passes from Grossman, and the Bears have managed to put off an end to their playoff hopes for another week.

Where are the Brian Griese fans out there? Hello? Is this thing on?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

NBA Officials

My new team would be the NBA Officials in Las Vegas. This way it will be easier for them to make bets on sporting events. Also, they wouldn't even have to ref the games any more because the team they bet on would win. The name of the team would "Goranson Guarantee" To replace the refs on the court would be replaced by the cheerleaders. The personality of the team would be over weight men with no families spending all the time in the sports books. They would always be complaining about the calls made by the cheerleaders. Most of them wear glasses thicker than coke bottles. The only team rule is no strippers, The NBA has to keep the good image. Tryouts will be held during March Madness. Further details about making the team will follow.

Friday, November 16, 2007


First off this is a real game. It was made up by a bunch of swim coaches in the 70's. It is sort of like kick ball, but instead of running around the bases, you run to Planet Clair (69 strides from home plate.) To get the runner out the defense must get the basketball back to the Bopper (the pitcher) The kicking team has a 3 people trying to keep the ball away from the Bopper, while the defense tries to get the ball back to the Bopper.) The kicking team can do what ever they want to keep the ball away. Once the batter reaches Plant Clair the rest of his team must yell Zinger before he can run back. The play ends when either the basketball gets back to the Bopper for the batter gets back home. There are 9 innings with 3 outs per side.

Kicking team gets 1 point if the runner reaches Planet Clair
Kicking team gets another point if everyone in the field touches the ball (the runner is off limits until he touches the ball, when he touches the ball the defense can do what ever they want to him)

The team changes sides once they record three outs.

This game is played on a huge field, football field is too small.

Hint: Don't kick the ball with your toe, use the side of your foot unless you want broken toes.

FFC (Tims)

City Pride Baseball League: OK, so this is not going to be one of my normally smartassical (awesome made up word) challenge posts, mostly because I think this idea would be really effing cool to see implemented. Here's how it works:

1. Each designated neighborhood in the 20 most populated cities in America segment themselves to create relatively comparable "neighborhoods". Then you hold a one month round robin baseball tourney in which each neighborhood's team, the players for which must tryout in their respective neighborhoods, and the top team becomes that city's official representative team. E.G. - imagine something like the Wicker Park Wankers becoming the Chicago team.

2. After each city completes it's mini-tourney, you then do the same thing for the top teams in each of the 20 cities, except that the tourney is done single-elimination style, like the Little League World Series.

Now, here are the stipulations. No player may receive any form of compensation whatsoever. All players must have a verifiable full time job in a non-sports related market. All coaches must be under the age of 40 and may not play on the team they coach. Players may be of any age over 18. Players must sign a waiver acknowledging they will do no paid endorsements whatsoever under penalty of castration. All players must live within the city metropolitan area of the city team they represent (No one from Joliet is allowed to play on the Chicago team, for instance)

There you have it. I'm sick of hearing about how much we all hate overpaid players who only play their sport for the money. In this league, it is all about city pride, and nothing else. Oh hell, maybe we should just do the Bar Game Olympics instead....

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Welcome Back

Everyone who has known me for five minutes knows my sports affiliations: Cubs, Bulls, Hawks, er...Packers. Okay, so a great majority of my extended is from Green Bay. Okay, so a state that embraces the consumption of cheap beer, dairy products, and various over-processed meat products is a bit too appealing to pass up. So I'm a Packers fan, deal with it.

Having said all that, if the Pack aren't playing the Bears, I'm an instant Bears fan. I live in Chicago after all (unlike some of the pretenders/movers I know). If you look at the early history of this blog you will be forced to admit to one thing: I told you so.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Brian Griese is old and bad, Rex Grossman is young and bad but potentially good, which means he ought to be the everyday starter for your Chicago Bears. He stepped in this evening against the Raiders, a game in which Griese looked mediocre by the way, and threw the game winning touchdown pass. The only thing that was more vomit-inducing than Matt Vasgersian announcing the game (Stick to baseball ****head) was that once again Rex did not start the game. Welcome back, young fella. Try not to eff it up this time.

Friday, November 9, 2007

FFC (Tims)

When I was thirteen, I was still playing Peewee Football for the Elmhurst Eagles. At the same size I am today (yes, I was the exact same size and weight in 8th grade as I am now), I was probably the biggest defensive end this goofy league had ever seen. As such, two things occurred: I was always clad in the older, beat up loose jerseys, since the only ones that fit me were made for much fatter linemen, and secondly I had a pretty good reputation for getting to the Quarterback on sacks. On one particular Saturday morning, playing against the team from Robbins, I was having a good game (two sacks already). On one play in the third quarter, I blew by the linemen and had a free look at the QB who was dropping back to pass. With his arm out, I took a swipe at the ball, attempting to cause a fumble. Um, I failed, but in typical Tim Geigner fashion, I failed spectacularly. My momentum caused me to tip forward, fall over, and do the most uncoordinated somersault of all time. As chance would have it, my upturned legs manage to do what my arm couldn't and kicked the ball loose, which bonked off of my helmet and landed in front of me. I promptly dove on the football, adding a fumble recovery to my stats, and marched off the field victorious.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Here Is The Difference

As the Bulls dropped another game tonight to bring their early record to a stunningly bad 0-4, it started me thinking of the good old days. More importantly, it started me thinking about the difference between the Jordan era teams and these baby Bulls. I don't want to discuss the obvious: the different players, a different coaching staff, etc. I'm more interested in the ethereal, the non-tangible differences.

They simply feel different, don't they? I remember watching the Bulls back in the late 90's and simply KNOWING they were going to win. Every game. Every Night. Every year. Maybe this team could be something special, but maybe not. Back in the day, their simply was no question. They WERE something special and proved such on a nightly basis.

What's the point? I'm simply sick of hearing about how these new Bulls regularly have dropped to terrible early season records only to bounce back into the playoffs. Take a gander at the 72-10 Bulls. Did they drop their first three? Four? Nine? No, in fact they won their first eighteen, if memory serves. I want those Bulls back. And I expect Paxon to do what it takes to bring them to me, or else get the hell out of town.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Offensive Line

Dear Chicago Bears Fan,

You are stupid. I’d like to thank you personally for being an idiot. You and your cub fan counterparts have ruined home games for smart people. This weekend I could have purchased tickets to the San Fran vs. Atlanta game. These 4 tickets, yes 4, in the 200 level would have cost me a total of $200. Yes I know, the Falcons are terrible with only 2 wins. I’ve got a secret. The Bears only have 3! $200 might let me peak inside a Bears game from the 300 level next to some half-retarded guy still wearing his Refrigerator Perry shirt and zuba pants. I was there in attendance at the Vikings vs. Bears game. I was given this ticket at no charge, a Cadillac club level ticket with a face value of $295. This is ridiculous. If people were willing to pay top dollar for bad food, McDonald’s would get rid of the dollar menu. Stop paying too much for crappy football. I enjoy going to games, I’m a fan, but I’m not stupid. I dream of a city that doesn’t just go to the game because “that’s what you do.” I want the fans to go because the team wants everyone there. When a fan gets a decent price to go to a crappy game, I’ll stop calling you all stupid. If I’m paying that much, I might as well get some quality. “Oh, its all about the experience,” is not rationalizing your lack of intelligence. My prime example is the White Sox. When the team was doing horrible at the end of the season tickets were nearly free. The Bears hope for post-season play is nearly gone. Let’s get some cheap seats. Until then, I’ll be going to other stadiums to watch fan-friendly teams.

“It’s always better to pissed off than pissed on”


Friday, November 2, 2007

New NHL Rules (Brusier)

The first rule is to ad cheerleaders for each time with tight t-shirts and mini skirts for the uniforms. Plus they can raise a lot of money for charity.

The second rule is to advance the President Cup winner to the finals so I am not heart broken every year when the Wings lose in the first round to a #8 team.

The third rule is to cut out the interviews during the games with the players and the coaches. No one gives good answers they are just too PC.

FFC NHL Rules (Tim)

If I were NHL commissioner for a day, these would be my three rule changes:

1. New NHL Title 8 program: For every Canadian team, there must be a team based in Mexico. Watching Alejandro slide around on the ice would be too funny to miss.

2. Any goalie wearing an old-school hockey mask must also replace their stick with an old-school Jason knife.

3. No more throwing octopus on the ice. Instead, we will hand out official NHL stamped cherry bombs.

New NHL Rules

Mine might be too dangerous

1. Goalie's are allowed 1 pad of their choice. I go with just a stick-side blocker.
2. When down by 3 or more goals, an extra player would be allowed on the ice by the team that's down.
3. The Canadian National Anthem is banned, for the simple fact that I don't know it.

Now playing: Beastie Boys - Time To Get Ill
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, November 1, 2007

If I were NHL commissioner for a day...

If I were National Hockey League Commissioner Gary Bettman I would...

- Move the Phoenix Coyotes back to Winnipeg
- Fold the Nashville Predators and the Florida Panthers and give new franchises to Quebec City and Hartford, Conn.
- Have the home teams wear white sweaters (like they used to and aught to)
- Make the Buffalo Sabres get rid of their horrid "Buffaslug" logo
- Get rid of the trapezoid area behind the net that goalies are restricted to handling the puck around
- Execute Rod Brind'amour and replace him with Tim Geigner because I have homosexual dreams about him on a nearly constant basis.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Something Different

We don't talk much about ourselves on this blog, nor should we, so I'll make this brief. If you ever have had, or in the future experience a panic attack, please keep in mind. They have a ton of info on ways to cope and get through that particular experience. They aren't dangerous, just ridiculously terrifying, as I found out when I had my first attack this afternoon. It's also hereditary, so ask your parents about if you like. Anyway, back to the manly man-ness of sports.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

I Said It Before, I'll Say It Again

Rex Grossman ought to be the Chicago Bears starting quarterback. I mean yesterday, today, tomorrow, and on until the team can draft or sign someone better. I know how he started the year, I know how he struggled at times last year, I know he doesn't have the kind of upside that he did before all those injuries when he was younger.

Guess what? I don't care. The fact of the matter is that Rex Grossman is as good or better thn anyone else they have at the quarterback position. The Bears have fallen once again to the Detroit Lions, during which Griese managed to throw only one TD pass on FOUR interceptions. In the second half, his completion percentage was something around 25%. In comparison, Rex is a pro-bowler.

And yes I remember that fourth quarter rally last week. And yes, Griese looked excellent on that single drive. But unlike some fans and members of the sports media, I watched the entire game and I wasn't impressed. The bottom line? Rex is gone at the end of the year anyway. Why not let him play the next two weeks and see if we can up his value on the trade block market? Personally, I'm looking in the direction of the Cleveland Browns, who have three starting quarterbacks on one team. Rex and Briggs for Brady Quinn? Where do I sign?

Friday, October 26, 2007

Silly sports names

Fine, so I did this at the last minute, but I think its decent. I hope you laugh.

Hockey: Miroslav Satan... when still playing for the Sabres, Satan netted a game winner over New Jersey. The next day, the Buffalo News sports page read "Satan slays Devils"

Baseball: Yorvit Torrealba. Fine, so I had never heard of this guy until Game 1 of the World Series, but this Colorado Rockies catcher has a silly name. Is he Hispanic? Israeli? Russian?

Baseball: Chuck Finley. Makes me nostalgic for those days in elementary school when we'd call him Fuck Chinley. It took me years to learn what that really meant.

Football: Marion Butts. Remember him?! If only this Charger RB played in San Francisco he could legally be marrying butts.

Funny Friday Challenge (Chuck)

After reviewing my names, I realized I went with an anatomy theme. Here are my funniest names in sports.

Baseball-Rusty Kuntz from the Detroit Tigers. I know, great name but keep reading, they get better.

Basketball-Magic Johnson. A Magic Johnson? Maybe, but its not immune to the HIV.

Football-Harry Colon-Defensive back for the Detroit Lions.

Hockey-Adam Foote. One of my favorite NHL players.

NASCAR-Dick Trickle. Ah, Dick Trickle, the smoking while drinking old style while driving NASCAR driver. I don't get racing, but it would only make sense to do it drunk. Trickle was known for installing cigarette lighters in his cars. He also drilled a hole in his helmet so he can smoke through it. On another note, I'm developing a hat with a very long back to shade people from getting a redneck.

Funny Friday Challenge (Tims)

Ahem, the ARE the best names in pro sports:

*Baseball - Grant Balfour: Pronounced like "ball four", this pitcher has struggled in the majors due to his inability to throw strikes. Go figure.

*Football - Priest Holmes: A once dominant NFL running back or a clergyman from Humboldt Park? Can't it be both?

*Basketball - God Shamgod: How can one mother simultaneously show her opinion of her first born and also offend most of the population on the planet? God Shamgod, that's how.

*Hockey - Steve Passmore: I can hear it now.
"Hey, Passmore."
"Screw you, I'm the best shooter on the team."
"No, I'm saying Passmore."
"And I'm saying go fuck yourself." (followed by a slapshot to a teamate's face)

*Volleyball - Karch Karaly: Is it Polish, Lithuanian, Russian, Portuguese? Whatever it is, it's been dominating volleyball for nigh on thirty years. Bow to the master.

+Next weeks challenge: NHL commissioner for a day - You have been made NHL commissioner for one day and are aloud to institute three new rules. What are they?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Another commercial break?!!?!

Watching the World Series is like a war of attrition with my sleep.

How many fucking commercial breaks are they going to take before we end the sixth inning?

I'm so glad we had the time out when Fuentes was warming-up, only for Ortiz to take two swings before another 2-minute commercial break.

This is why MLB has the worst TV ratings ever.


Wait, did Boyz II Men just sing God Bless America?

I mean, God bless America, but WTF, I didn't know Boyz II Men were still around.


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Blackhawks Back On TV

After two generation worth of ownership that refused to change with the times, Rocky Wirtz, son of the late Bill Wirtz, is negotiating with Comcast Sports Network to televise a select number of this seasons Blackhawk home games. While details are scant at this point, the general consensus seems to be that the first such game to appear on the network will be when the Detroit Redwings come to town.

For years, fans and former fans of the downtrodden franchise have decried the policy of not televising home games out of respect to the season ticket holders. Such policies have been routinely blamed for the rapid decline in fan support for the Blackhawks, something Rocky Wirtz is clearly attempting to rectify. With home games once again appearing on local television, prospective fans can actually follow the team, keep up with scores and roster changes, and find an outlet for their interest in Chicago hockey. Perhaps most importantly, fans in general can witness one of the more pleasurable and interest drawing aspects of modern sports: the maturation and development of the teams young prospects.

So here's to you, Rocky Wirtz, for bucking the family tradition and doing what you can to bring the interest in hockey back to Chicago. I, personally, can't wait to watch.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

BoSox Do It Again

Class. Attitude. Swagger. All of these words describe the AL Champion Boston Red Sox well, though perhaps not as well as the most important of words: winners. Never before has a team been so prepared to tackle a major deficit in a championship series and yet that takes nothing away from what the New England team has done once again. They have overcome seemingly impossible odds for the second time in four years to make it back to the World Series.

From Theo Epstein on down, this organization represents the pride and class of Major League Baseball. They have youngsters like Pappelbon, they have veterans like Big Poppy. They play quietly like Julio Lugo, they play loudly like Manny Ramirez. They win like...well, like Red Sox.

They even entertain us with their celebration, from Pappelbon's river dancing to the Irish victory music over the P.A. The World Series is coming back to Fenway Park, so get out your bottles of whiskey and your Dropkick Murphy songs. This one is going to be a good one.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Funny Friday Challenge (2)

Here is the cast for this years Bears team:

Rex Grossman/George Tenet: Rex finds receivers like the CIA finds WMD's
Brian Griese/John Travolta: Okay, so it's a lame reference to "Grease"
Cedric Benson/Ice Cube: Big headed money grubbing pile of mediocrity anyone?
Moose Muhammad/Bulwinkle: Both are moose and neither can catch
Brian Urlacher/John Favraeau: Seen "The Replacements"?
Peanut Tillman/Li'l John: They are the same person, I swear
Robbie Gould/Jake Gyllanhall: They are young, productive, and I'm wonder where the hell they came from
Devin Hester/Buckwheat: Running back kicks is Ooooh-Tey
Lance Briggs/Britney Spears: Apparently they went to they same Driving School
Lovie Smith/John Amos: Seriously, they have the EXACT same skull
John Madden/Jabba The Hut: Interesting side note, they speak the same unintelligable language

Check back for next weeks challenge: The Best Names In Sports

Friday Funny Challenge

Let's face it, the Bears are a train wreck. So what we've got here is a train wreck of mammoth proportions. I'm talking Harrison Ford The Fugitive train wreck. As my first piece for this blog, I've taken this very seriously and have put together the ultimate Bears team. Let's check the squad.

1. Rex Grossman-Substituted with Stewie Griffin..(have you seen Rex's eyebrows?)
2. Brian Griese-Swapped for his dad, Bob Griese. Bob is way better and we don't need to buy a new jersey (I should make a New Jersey joke here).
3. Cedric Benson-Upgraded to Anna Benson for obvious reasons.

4. Moose Muhammad-There's only one good moose and his buddy is Rocky.
5. Brian Urlacher- John Favreau, but John from The Replacements

6. Peanut Tillman-The obvious backup, the Planter's Peanut guy, Mr. Peanut
7. Robbie Gould-Ha, Elliot Gould. The man can kick a matza ball 73 yards.

8. Devin Hester-If the NFL would allow a crack rock to be placed in the end zone, I'm going with Tyrone Biggums. He smokes rocks!

9. Lance Briggs-Nicole Ritchie "Hey Lance, I bet you can't get your Lambo on the otherside of that median" ..."Hey Nicole, I bet you can't drive high on the wrong side of the freeway."
10. Lovie Smith-Bubba from Forest Gump. I can't help to think of Lovie cooking italian beef a million different ways.

11. John Madden-My favorite trade of all time. "In the second round of the 2008 NFL Draft, Chuck would like to trade John Madden for Wilford Brimley." I'll take that diabetic tough guy any day.
Chuck M.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Dane Cook = Worst MLB Marketing Ploy Ever

Look, I get it. Dane Cook is a relatively young, good looking guy filling the desperate void of our generation's lack of good stand up artists. So my generation is jumping on the bandwagon and turning this guy into a star? Fine. So he's playing gigs he wouldn't stand a chance of getting if he were up against true legends like Robbin Williams, Dave Chappelle, Dennis Leary, or Richard Prior? Fine. So Major League Baseball sends him into my living room to promote the playoffs? Uh, no.

It's not just that I don't want a metro-sexual talking about baseball on my television, although it makes about as much sense as having a Klan leader promoting tolerance. Frankly, I don't need any celebrity. I'm a baseball fan, I watch the games. I'm not a fan, I don't. Dane Cook offers us no incentive for the casual, or less than casual, fan to tune in. It's not like they're going to torture him live during the 7th inning stretch of each game in the World Series, although it's kind of a nice thought.

Bottom line: not only is he not baseball, he isn't funny, either. You want to be Dane Cook funny? Here's the secret. Over pronounce your syllables like Ron Burgandy, use ridiculously obscure words where simple words would suffice, and punctuate repeated humorless punchlines with curse words that haven't been meaningful since George Carlin broke them in forty years ago. Dane Cook says there is only one October. Thank God.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

TCSR's First Funny Friday Challenge

A brief announcement since this is a new blog: every Friday will feature a "Funny Friday Challenge" for the site's writers and readers. The first challenge will be to construct a cast for the Chicago Bears 2008 season, consisting of real or fictional characters. In other words, Brian Griese can be represented by either Harrison Ford or Han Solo, makes no difference. If anyone who reads the blog (admittedly a small number at this point) submits a cast, I will post the best one on Friday morning along with the writer's responses. The following are the players/people you must cast for, along with a 7 word optional explanation of your reasoning (i.e. physical resemblance, a propensity for similar actions, etc.). Cheers, and happy casting.

1. Rex Grossman
2. Brian Griese
3. Cedric Benson
4. Moose Muhammad
5. Brian Urlacher
6. Peanut Tillman
7. Robbie Gould
8. Devin Hester
9. Lance Briggs
10. Lovie Smith
11. John Madden

Monday, October 15, 2007

Dusty Baker Returns To The NL Central

Chicago, IL - Don't look now, Cub fans, but one of your division opponents is cementing their position as the leagues dumbest team. The Cincinnati Reds announced that former Cubs manager Dusty Baker will fill their vacant managerial position next year. Most analysts agreed throughout this past season that the Reds were in dire need of one thing: pitching. I submit for your approval their additional need for a front office that focuses on winning as opposed to simply making headlines.

With arguably the league's best offense, the Reds are not that far away from being a playoff ready team. In fact, all they really need is five players. Unfortunately for them, those five players would be three starting pitchers, a seventh inning reliever, and a set-up reliever. Noticing a trend yet? Compare those needs with the painful history of Dusty Baker, and you have a recipe for a team that gives up too many runs, exhausts its pitching staff, overplays unreliable "veterans", and curses the institution of racism when explaining the reasons for its difficulties.

Baker has ridden the laurels of two mildly successful seasons for the better part of the last decade, one with the Giants and one with the Cubs. Perhaps the Reds front office wasn't paying attention to the only lesson worth learning during that time: Dusty Baker simply can't manage under pressure. A regular season in a Cincinnati accustomed to failure might alleviate some of that pressure, but what happens if things go awry and the team makes the playoffs. You will be left with an out managed, un-coached team that will make its exit sooner or later in the brackets. From Lou Piniella to Dusty Baker? Sounds like the wrong direction to me.

Timothy R. Geigner

Sunday, October 14, 2007

The Curse Gets Worse

Chicago, IL - Anyone who has spent more than a cursory fifteen minutes examining the state of Chicago baseball understands how divided the city is. For a century plus, Chicago has watched the boys in blue and the men in black, more often than not whilst yanking out tufts of hair and grinding teeth in frustration. That all changed a few years ago when the Chicago White Sox managed to win the World Series in the kind of convincing fashion that raises eyebrows. On the north side of Chicago, those eyebrows were lifted in the direction of the Tribune company.

Since then the scenery on the field has changed, though the results on the diamond arguably have not. The Tribune Company has been sold, Sammy Sosa has been banished to the American League, and the payroll has skyrocketed with additions like Alfonso Soriano, Ted Lilly, and Mark DeRosa. So why are fans still shaking our heads in worry?

Because this all seems depressingly familiar to Cubs fans. Soriano's contract looks an awful lot like the one Sosa signed, except longer and more expensive. What's worse, his numbers on the field are strikingly congruent: the high number of strikeouts, the injuries, the inability to perform in the clutch. Add to that a periodically lazy Ramirez, an aging Derek Lee's depleted power levels, and a Jaque Jones contract that makes even less fiscal sense today than it did a couple of years ago when it was announced, and things begin to seem positively dire. True, the Cubs have a plethora of youngsters that look like potential stars in the National League. Kids like Theriot, Pie, Soto, and Hill might make Cubs fans think the future is bright. Unfortunately, the window is closing on the aging veterans and soon the youngsters will be all grown up and left without key players in key positions. Confounding matters further is the uncertainty over who will own the franchise in the coming years. Those who follow the NBA find themselves torn over front-runner Mark Cuban, who has simultaneously brought the Dallas Mavericks back from oblivion while embarrassing the franchise, and the NBA's front office, on a semi-regular basis.

All in all, fans have seen this script before. Make sure you Cubs fans make a big bowl of popcorn and bring the tissues. Old Yeller wouldn't make you cry like the habitual ending of this rerunning movie.

Timothy R. Geigner

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